Humour

A gleeful exploration of those darker moments we'd all much rather NOT have, but all do, this is sure to be the humour bestseller of 2008.We've all had them: from the idle and the incompetent, to the demanding and borderline psychopathic, to the weird and creepy, to the plain idiotic; anyone who has ever worked will have had a moment when all they want to do is grab their boss by the neck and...101 WAYS TO KILL YOUR BOSS is a chance to let go of those moments of rage and frustration and laugh.

ISBN: 9780755342365

SEPTEMBER 2008

Which 50 people made Britain the wreck she is? Which 50 idiots did it? From ludicrous propagandist Alastair Campbell to the Luftwaffe's Hermann Goering and his allies, it's time to name the guilty men and women. Quentin Letts sharpens his nib and stabs them where they deserve it, from tennis player John McEnroe to TV gardener Alan Titchmarsh, the dumbed-down buffoon who put the 'h' in Aspidistra. Margaret Thatcher ruptured our national unity. The creators of East Enders trashed our brand over high tea. Here, he argues, are the people who made our country the ugly, scheming, cheating, beer-ridden bum of the Western world. Here are the fools and knaves and vulgarians who ripped down our British glories and imposed the tawdry and the trite. In a half century we have gone from end-of-Empire to descent-into-Hell. How did this happen?Whose fault was it? Letts' outrageous pen portraits, some comical, some steaming with anger, include royalty, politicians, artists and even the man who invented the mini-roundabout. Readers will be invited to draft alternative lists. But can any of them be quite as politically incorrect as this?The complete 50 are: Jean and Gareth Adamson; 'Anonymous'; Jeffrey Archer; Kenneth Baker; Ed Balls; Peter Bazalgette; Richard Beeching; John Birt; Frank Blackmore; Tony Blair; David Blunkett; Rhodes Boyson; Gordon Brown; Paul Burrell; James Callaghan; Alastair Campbell; Anthony Crosland; Richard Dawkins and Charles Simonyi; Princess Diana; Andrew Dismore; Greg Dyke; Sir Alex Ferguson; Maurice 'Maus' Gatsonides; Tony Greig; Edward Heath; The Very Rev Ronald Jasper; Graham Kelly; Graham Kendrick; Sir Denys Lasdun; Dame Suzi Leather; John McEnroe; Stephen Marks; Michael Martin; Alun Michael; Rupert Murdoch; John Prescott; Nicholas Ridley; Geoffrey Rippon; Charles Saatchi; Sir Jimmy Savile; John Scarlett; Howard Schultz; Julia Smith; Janet Street-Porter; Margaret Thatcher; Alan Titchmarsh; Harold Walker; and, Helen Willetts. On Princess Diana: 'The woman was a liability, a souffle of false ideas, a super-model with all that that entails. She was the glamorous tool of cleverer men, a plaything for the powerful, a delusion worshipped only by the impressionable'.

ISBN: 9781845298555

So, you're writing an essay, a book, an article, your blog. You sit back having read it for the sixteenth time and decide to commit to print, press 'send' or say 'that's fine, let it go'. Of course, just after that moment the glaring error in the headline screams at you - too late. Your stomach feels like it's hurtling to your toes and the world goes slightly wonky. Welcome to the world of misprints! "A Steroid Hit The Earth" is a catalogue of errors, omissions, mistakes and other disasters, ranging from the straight typo or the ambiguous statement to the downright bizarre. Each demonstrates a sub-editor or proofreader taking their eye off the ball, to the delight of millions, every single example preserving the humble misprint as a perpetual source of 'schadenfreude'. From the holy typo of 1631, when Barker and Lucas' "Wicked Bible" exhorted people to commit adultery by omitting a crucial 'not' from the seventh commandment, "A Steroid Hit The Earth" reaches back in time to the days before modern printing and our own spell-check obsessed age. It is a joyous and irreverent paean to gaffes of all sorts that have caused confusion, consternation and outright offence among readers, and celebrates the impossibility of getting everything right all of the time, illustrating the inherent danger involved in committing anything at all to print. It will be proof-read six times before publication.

ISBN: 9781906032432

So, you thought you knew everything you needed to about Scotland and its chequered history? Well, think again.Did you know that tobacco made up half of Scotland's exports in the eighteenth century?Did you know that JM Barrie created the name 'Wendy' for his play Peter Pan" in 1904, meaning that there are no Wendys over the age of 104...?Did you know that The Beatles played at Dingwall Town Hall in 1963?See?John KV Eunson leads us through the history of the Scots in this accurate but none-too-heavy look at the great country. On a journey of almost breakneck speed full of chuckles, we still have enough time to stop and smell the heather, taste the fudge and feel the ghosties.

ISBN: 9780755318575

Books, television shows and websites are forever ordering us around - 100 things to do before you're 30; 50 albums you must own; this year's must-have handbag; change your life in two weeks. Why - is this an increasingly desperate search for happiness? What is this obsession with lists, and why should we care? Canâ t Be Arsed is a hilarious diatribe from the head of comedy at Hat Trick (producers of Have I Got News For You, Room 101 and Father Ted) that takes a detailed look at the alternative side of the 101 most frequently cited must do's, revealing the ugly details that most of these guidebooks conveniently ignore. It gives off-putting facts and statistics to quote at holier-than-thou thrillseekers, so the next time somebody tells you that you simply must swim with dolphins, read Kafka in Prague, or go skydiving, you can tell them exactly where to get off. Here, at last, is the timely antidote to the plethora of '101 things' books so beloved by vaunting adventurers, to finally make them stop telling us how to live. Wish-fulfilment lists take heed...

ISBN: 9781906032371

Has Posh got thinner? What's the latest on Britney? Who's getting together and who's splitting up? Every Tuesday, two million eager readers snatch up their brand-new copy of "Heat", ready to devour the latest gossip about the celebs. But there's one question everyone's desperate to know - what are the celebs really like? Who's got the craziest demands and the biggest entourage at a photo shoot? Do any of them eat normally? Who's nice, who's nasty, who's a demanding diva and who's just plain weird.One man has the answer. Mark Frith turned "Heat" into the biggest celebirty mag in the country. Cheeky, funny and never fawning, "Heat" was a new source of celeb info when it started in 2000. And Marks' been there since the beginning, from his first interview with Posh to the rise and fall of Jade and Big Brother, through to Britney's tragic descent from sexpot to being sectioned. From Kate Moss and Paris Hilton to Amy Winehouse and Cheryl Cole - in green rooms and VIP lounges, celebrities have confided in Mark and have been highly indiscreet in his presence. Now, for this first time, Mark is opening up his diaries. And no one is safe.

ISBN: 9780091927981

SEPTEMBER 2008

Bunnies, be free and happy! Small kids, knowledge is yours once more! Cartoon master of the dastardly and deranged, Andy Riley, has left behind his previous bugbears and turned his bizarre attentions to the world of inventions. DIY DENTISTRY shows what happens when a bored, macabre intelligence involves itself with blue-sky thinking - a high-speed police response unit enabled by The Cop Catapult, a Solitaire Boxing device for the lonely pugilist and An Arsehole Trap which deals quickly, and appropriately, with wannabe Big Brother candidates. These, and many other freakish twists of the imagination come alive in this hilarious, sometimes thought provoking (mostly not), brilliant new collection. A must for any discerning gift giver.

ISBN: 9780340899656

More ridiculous answers to the questions you ll never thought you'd need to ask, from the permanently bewildered readers of OLD GIT magazine. Questions such as: Would it help global warming to leave my fridge door open? What's the riskiest game of risk ever played? And If I fell down a disused mineshaft, would Lassie really run and get help; or just sit there licking his balls? With bags more rude jokes and shaggy-dog stories, interspersed with comments from the new (but still bonkers) Editor, DO BATS HAVE BOLLOCKS? will be every bit as laugh-out-loud funny as its predecessor.

ISBN: 9780751541373

SEPTEMBER 2008

Penguins. They are everywhere. Thanks to blockbuster movies like March of the Penguins and Happy Feet these adorable little birds are everywhere from lunch boxes to computer games. We've seen them dance, we've seen them fall in love, we've even seen them surf, but perhaps what we all want is to see them wreaking havoc? In 94 hilarious cartoons, this book shows exactly what happens when penguins go on the rampage. If you've ever wondered why the Titanic really "sunk or wanted to see a very "different ending to The Wizard of Oz" then this book is for you.Either way, you'll never look at penguins in the same way again...

ISBN: 9780755318049

SEPTEMBER 2008

The Sports Fact: the bedrock of any self-respecting fan, the trump card of the pub conversation. We cant quote Shakespeare or remember our loved ones birthdays - superfluous! - but we can list, in alphabetical order, the last three strikers for our teams to have a 20-goal season, together with the names of their wives, children, aunts, favourite TV shows, golf handicap...glory! And so it is that Fighting Talk, the Saturday morning bastion of world-class punditry, introduces five years of accrued knowledge, one liners, quips, and anecdote all gleaned from, or in the style of, the hugely popular show. Discover Sports Facts as pithy as what kind of chocolate bar Victoria Beckham was munching on as she gave birth to first son Brooklyn, or whether a World Cup victory have any effect on the victorious nations GDP, or even Also, be challenged by the divisive Defend the Indefensibles in which our crack team of writers support motions as scurrilous as the best thing about the Grand National is seeing a horse gets shot, or that its really true women really cant throw.

ISBN: 9780340977552

'Once upon a time coppers were heroes; nowadays, telling someone you're on the force is likely to get you in as much trouble as dipping your tadger in the punch at a Royal Garden Party'. Policing in the seventies was simple: when a crime was committed you tracked a nearby blagger, 'persuaded' him to confess and sent him off for a good long stretch. Simple. Sadly, policing in the eighties is a completely different kettle of fish. In fact, it's a whole different kettle of shoulder-pad-sporting, bouffant-haired, foundation-caked, coke-snorting, race-rioting career criminals.For your average bobby on the beat "The Rules of Modern Policing" are simply no longer enough. Thankfully, however, DCI Gene Hunt is once again on hand to help his fellow officers, and so we have "The Future of Modern Policing". Packed full advice for all ranks, this an invaluable policing manual in which the Gene Genie discusses all the new issues facing the Met - riots, forensics, political correctness (whatever the hell that is), IT, drugs and advanced interrogation techniques that you just might be able to persuade the judge are legal. There are also some practical exercises at the end of each chapter, including a helpful 'Spot the Drug Addict' picture quiz, so, even if you really don't know your a*** from your elbow, you can at least learn to blag it. Gene Hunt may not be the most modern copper in the Met but he isn't a fool either. If you want to be one of the Met's top dogs, maybe you should buy his book, eh?

ISBN: 9780593062036

We've said that Christmas is the worst thing; we've said that working for idiots is the worst thing; we've said that holidays are the worst thing. But driving is the worst thing of all. It brings together so many of the multitude of individual elements which combine to make Grumpy Old Men and Grumpy Old Women grumpy. It's got queuing - at petrol stations, on side roads, on A roads, on motorways, at car parks and even at the 'drive through'. Very few things make Grumpies more grumpy than queuing. It's got being ripped off - when you buy a car, when you have it serviced, when you buy anything for it, when anything goes wrong, when you put petrol in it, when you wash it, when you park it, when it gets towed away and when some arsehole you've never met bumps into it. It's got being pissed about - when you want to book it in for a service, and when you get to tax it, insure it and get the MOT for it, and again when you want to sell it. And last but not least, it's got the most essential ingredient of grumpiness. Driving is a triumph of disappointment over expectation. When we were kids we thought driving would be the ultimate freedom and all it has turned out to be is a total pain in the tushkin. And that is not even mentioning Top sodding Gear...

ISBN: 9780297854333

As everyone knows, the parking ticket is the most serious threat to individual liberty, an everyday symbol of the arbitrary power of government. It's your duty to fight back, and with the help of Steven Appleby and George Mole, you'll be able to transform all that anger and frustration into personal growth and achievement. The Little Book of Parking Tickets will not only teach you to talk your way out of fines and escape prosecution, but reclaim your piece of mind and your parking space! What's more, it will turn the weapon of your enemy into your shield. Carefully crafted tickets let you become your own parking warden: choose one, slip it under the wiper blade of a suitable vehicle and retreat unseen to a safe distance! Complete with a potted history of parking (citations from biblical, mediaeval and renaissance eras, as well as The Golden Age of Parking), as well as a collection of tickets from other lands (and beyond), The Little Book of Parking Tickets is the ultimate gift for any driver, or passenger, on your list. (Now go move your car.)

ISBN: 9780749951610

LIVING WITH TEENAGERSis a deliciously painful, unflinchingly honestlook at what it's like towatch your children grow up into classic teenagers. They may shout at you, lie to you and hurt you...but they'll always be your flesh and blood, your grown-up babies. Whether you're battling with the rages and rudeness of your own tempestuous teenagers, gazingat your blank-canvas baby and thinking, 'That will never happen to us...', or the whole idea of having children is still only an idea, this is compulsive, car-crash reading.An extraordinary yet entirely everyday insight intofamily life, LIVING WITH TEENAGERS isby turns heartbreaking and humorous, heartwarming and enough to send a cold chill down your spine. Ever wondered what it's like to have your own teenage kids tell you, in the same breath, that they love you, now 'f*** off'? Here's your chance to find out. Based on the anonymously-penned Guardian" column of the same name.

ISBN: 9780755317554

OCTOBER 2008

The toilet - it's small, functional and using it usually involves staring at a door. But for the water closet connoisseur, there are a handful of places where the loo is an area of outstanding beauty. From such fascinating locations as the summit of Mount Fuji and the urinals at the Station Inn in Ribblehead, to the ultimate in bathroom-based entertainment - the view of the Northern Lights from the Trophy Hut Loo, Trophy Mountain, Canada - this is a collection of the most uplifting vistas from the latrines of the world Now answering the call of nature will take you from the ridiculous to the sublime with this, the ultimate good loo guide.

ISBN: 9781905264230

Consider the humble Zimmer. There's no doubt most of us will end up with one, and yet no one has ever thought to customise it to fit our individual needs. Until now. Pimp My Zimmer is a collection of Zimmers by Bill Fallover, from the ancient Stone Age Zimmers of our primeval forefathers to the glamorous Disco Zimmer to the ever-practical Barbie Zimmer, complete with its own rotisserie stick. There is a customised Zimmer for every occasion in this hilarious and strangely attractive guide. Growing old and hopelessly infirm has never seemed so appealing ...

ISBN: 9781847442567

NOVEMBER 2008

What is it about men that drives women to distraction? Could it be the way they flick to the footie results while you're trying to watch your favourite television programme? Is it their dogged inability to admit that they might - just might" - be wrong? Or is it the infuriating way that they can meticulously order and maintaincomprehensive record collections but can't quite find the time to rinse the sink after shaving?From unsightly splayed legs and headache-inducing snoring tothe bathroom blight of poorly positioned pee and the horrors of man-flu, MOAN ABOUT MEN is a brilliantly funny take on all the thingsmen do that make women weep with frustration -and also withmirth. In an amusing andall-encompassing rant, this is a chance to get itoff your chest and dare to share in alife-affirming moan about men.

ISBN: 9780755318307

SEPTEMBER 2008

"Scenes We'd Like to See" is the very first "Mock the Week" book, published to coincide with the sixth series of the hit BBC2 comedy show. From gloriously rude 'Unfortunate names for race horses' to 'Unlikely personal ads' and lines that (sadly) never appeared in the Harry Potter books, "Mock the Week: Scenes We'd Like to See" is the fastest, funniest read of the year: a bumper book of all-new razor-sharp one-liners, including: Unlikely Medical Labels: No rabbits were harmed during the testing of this product - but the rats were less lucky; Greetings Cards That Wouldn't Sell: Happy New Breasts!; Unlikely Horoscopes: You will go to your bedroom window and stand there naked for a minute, you will do this especially if your name is Mrs Hughes and you live at 56, The Avenue, Clapham...around 3.30 would be best for me; Unlikely Lines from a New Harry Potter Book: 'I've turned my cock into a frog!' squealed Ron in terror.

ISBN: 9780752226750

Gerald Scarfe, Britain's most controversial satirical artist, is famous for having worked with a broad and eclectic mix of British and American icons, including Pink Floyd and Disney. But he is perhaps best known for his political cartoons, which have appeared in numerous newspapers and magazines, notably in the Sunday Times. Published to coincide with a major exhibition of the original artworks in the Houses of Parliament, this new book brings together fifty years of Scarfe's political drawings in a brilliantly entertaining journey through the history of our nation's leaders, from Churchill's last visit to the House of Commons in 1965 to the Thatcher years to Tony Blair's legacy and Gordon Brown's succession in 2007. With razor-sharp wit and exuberant energy, Scarfe's drawings lampoon our leaders' political ambitions, scandals and disasters in inimitable style.

ISBN: 9781408700853

SE3PTEMBER 2008

One ginger Pele, there's only one ginger Pele!As the supporter who came up with that one knows, the devoted football fan is the 12th man - his vocal support can mean the difference between winning and losing. Whether it's giving support to your club or poking fun at other teams, fans, mascots or even innocent St John's Ambulance volunteers, there's nothing like singing along with your fellow fans to get the blood pumping and the 11 men on the pitch fired up.On terraces the length and breadth of Britain, this simple truth has given rise to the art of the football chant. This book contains over 180 of the cleverest, wittiest and most downright hilarious examples of football songs from clubs across the country.As Swiss defender Bernt Haas found out when he joined West Brom and the Baggies started singing, 'Bernt Haas, I've gone and Bernt my Haas,' for sharp wit and funny comebacks, you can't beat a football chant!

ISBN: 9781847732521

Russell Ash has trawled parish registers and censuses going back 900 years to compile the first ever complete book of breathtakingly unlikely-but-true British names. It features an incredible and diverse range of totally genuine names, evoking everything from body parts (Dick Brain), sex (Matilda Suckcock), illness (Barbaray Headache) and toilet functions (Peter Piddle) to food (Hazel Nutt), animals (Minty Badger) and places (Phila Delphia). Every single one has been checked for authenticity and its source is given, as well as extra notes where further fascinating illumination is possible. The book provides a rigorously researched yet laugh-out-loud overview of Britain's eccentricity through the ages. And in this fully revised, expanded and enhanced paperback edition, it is no exaggeration to say that it's Pottier, Fartier and Knobbier than ever before.

ISBN: 9780755316557

OCTOBER 2008

In THINGS AIN'T WHAT THEY USED TO BE, Philp Glenister takes the reader on a hilarious, personal journey through the 70s and 80s and compares them with how we live today. Was it really all so much better then? Or should we throw away our rose-tinted spectacles? Along the way Philip ponders many vital questions, such as: which decade had the best cars? Which had the worst haircuts? And exactly how heavy were the original 'mobile' phones? Already one of our best-loved stars, in Things Ain't What They Used to Be Philip Glenister also reveals himself to be a witty, warm and perceptive observer of life. If you're going on a nostalgia trip, you couldn't ask for better company.

ISBN: 9781847442666

An indispensable compilation of the best tips from the phenomenally successful website toptipsforgirls.com.If you've ever wondered how to get more juice out of a lemon, how to tame a rogue eyebrow or how to throw the best parties, this beautiful, indispensable book has all those answers and many many more.Top Tips for Girls: Real advice from real women for real life.

ISBN: 9780755343157

"The Works" contains 120 of Pam Ayres' best-known poems from the seventies and eighties, including "The Battery Hen", "Please Will You Take Your Children Home Before I Do Them In", "Sling Another Chair Leg on the Fire", "Mother" and, of course, "Oh, I Wish I'd Looked After Me Teeth". For this new edition Pam has written a general introduction, as well as individual introductions to the poems, many of which are now illustrated with specially commissioned line drawings by Susan Hellard. This is the first time "The Works" has been available in hardback and is certain to delight Pam's fans of all ages. Pam is one of Britain's best-loved personalities and has been a regular on television and radio for more than 30 years - most recently on "Just a Minute", "The Comedy Quiz", "Countdown" and her own series, "Ayres on the Air". She performs her solo stage show throughout Britain and around the world and has a huge fan base in the UK, Australia and New Zealand.

ISBN: 9781846074653

SEPTEMBER 2008