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When you have endless exams to prepare for, the assignment you wrote has genuinely been eaten by the dog and youre forced to wear the lost-property PE kit because yours is in the wash, life can become a little overwhelming. For all the times youre on the brink of a classroom catastrophe, grab this collection of the internets funniest school memes and laugh away your worries.
Now in its tenth year, this anniversary edition of the best-selling series is a review of the year made up of the wry and astute observations of the unpublished Telegraph letter writers. In a year in which even the most seasoned commentators have struggled to keep pace with the news cycle, letter writers to The Daily Telegraph have once again provided their refreshing take on events. Readers of the Telegraph Letters Page will be fondly aware of the eclectic combination of learned wisdom, wistful nostalgia and robust good sense that characterise its correspondence. But what of the 95% of the papers huge postbag that never sees the light of day? Some of the best letters inevitably arrive too late for the 24/7 news cycle, or dont quite fit with the rest of the days selection. Others are just a little too whimsical, or indeed too risqué, to publish in a serious newspaper. And more than a few are completely and utterly (and wonderfully) mad. Thankfully Iain Hollingshead is on-hand to give the authors of the best unpublished letters the stage they so richly deserve. Baffled, furious, defiant, mischievous, they inveigh and speculate on every subject under the sun, from the rubbish on television these days to the venality of our MPs. With an agenda as enticing as ever the tenth book in the bestselling Unpublished Letters series will prove, once again, that the Telegraphs readers have an astute sense of what really matters.
She Said is a wonderful celebration of the wit and wisdom of women through the ages.In it you'll find writers, artists, politicians, actors, musicians, fashionistas, from Sappho to Beyoncé and Dorothy Parker to Carrie Fisher, all of whom have two things in common: brilliant minds and barbed wits that sting with their precision.Featuring women from as far back as 700 BC and right up to the modern day, the quotations and classic one-liners found here will inspire and delight, whether they are cheeky retorts from the outspoken, barbed reflections from the thoughtful or righteous indignation from the slighted.In the words of Elizabeth von Arnim (1866-1941), 'A woman's tongue is a deadly weapon and the most difficult thing in the world to keep in order.'
Tuesday 8th SeptemberFirst day back at school. I am going to 100% nail being a school mummy this year. I can totally do this. Yes, this year is definitely going to be much better I am absolutely not going to shout at the children, let them stuff their faces with crisps or goggle away on the iPad. And I most certainly will not slump on the sofa at the end of the day, glugging wine and muttering FML repeatedly.Unfortunately I have not yet actually managed to buy the bento boxes for their lunches or book jiu jitsu lessons, and I will have to learn to like green tea, as it is foul, and I have not yet mastered French plaits, but I am quietly confident that these are mere details in my grand master plan
It is Mummys 39th birthday. She is staring down the barrel of a future of people asking if she wants to come to their advanced yoga classes, and polite book clubs where everyone claims to be tiddly after a glass of Pinot Grigio and says things like Oooh gosh, are you having another glass?But Mummy does not want to go quietly into that good night of women with sensible haircuts who live for their children and stand in the playground trying to trump each other with their offsprings extracurricular activities and achievements, and boasting about their latest holidays.Instead, she clutches a large glass of wine, muttering FML over and over again. Until she remembers the gem of an idea shes had
Make every day funny with the riotous journal companion to Gill Sims smash hit Sunday Times bestseller Why Mummy Drinks.Youre the proud owner of a journal called Why Mummy Drinks, so you almost certainly have no time at all for meditation, mindfulness or self-care (either the self-help sort or the euphemistic sort). This journal isnt about promising to make you a better person, or a happier one, or a thinner one or even a wiser one, because theres nothing wrong with the person you are. What it will do, is give you somewhere you can record your memories for the year. Or you can just skip straight to the drink recommendations at the end of each month. Totally up to you. Tired of the daily school drop off struggle? Needing a cold glass of pinot after parents evening? Mummy knows exactly how youre feeling.Recount and reflect on the ups and downs, the joys and the trials of motherhood with this honest and laugh-out-loud journal companion. Featuring charming illustrations and creative prompts, as well as Mummys hilarious reflections throughout the year, this journal is the perfect gift for Mums everywhere.
The Wicked Wit of England is celebration of British humour, featuring a collection of stories, anecdotes, quips and quotes that capture the various idiosyncrasies of the English character.If there is one thing that first-time visitors to England find mystifying - along with our fondness for eating chips out of old newspapers, our nostalgia for the shipping forecast (even though most of us have never ventured out to sea in a trawler) and the fact that not all men wear bowler hats to work - it is our sense of humour. 'Ah, you English and your humour,' they will say, with an air of suspicion, unsure as to whether they have just been unexpectedly praised or routinely insulted. It is easy to sympathize with them, for English humour encompasses a number of different styles. It can be surreal or satirical, dark or sophisticated, bawdy or genteel. And nobody does irony or sarcasm like the English. If Olympic gold medals were awarded for sarcasm, we would top the leader board every time.The various idiosyncrasies of the English character - the social awkwardness, the constant need to apologize, the obsession with the weather, the stiff upper lip, and the love of queuing, to name but a few - are celebrated in The Wicked Wit of England, a collection of stories, anecdotes, quips and quotes featuring English people from all walks of life, from Quentin Crisp to Frank Skinner and Stephen Hawking to Thora Hird. This book might not help outsiders understand the English, but it might make them tolerate us a little more.
How to play: 1. Open this book. 2. Flip to the country that tickles your fancy or choose a page at random. 3. Watch and smile as your party guests have a whale of a time. 4. Graciously accept their praise and adoration.Yes, you can be the king or queen of the unforgettable dinner party or wild house party with this compendium of outrageous games. With old classics like Americas Crazy Eights and Russias Mafia, alongside new and totally bonkers gems such as Armenias Egg Jousting and Germanys Bier Boot, this is the only book you need to become a legendary party host.
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